Disaster, thy name is Culpepper

I can’t take it anymore.

I need to stop this; I’m so depressed I can barely function.

Maybe I shouldn’t watch football anymore.

To my horror of horrors I actually thought to myself at one point during yesterday’s debacle that maybe Lame Duck Harrington should come into the game. The only QB I hate more than him is Vick, so how did it come to this?

Culpepper clearly needs a bigger star on the team, he can’t handle the pressure, usually he cracks in the 4^th Quarter, but against the Bills, the heat is raised from the opening kick-off and clearly he can’t handle it.

And now we’re 0-2 for the second time since joining the NFL. I just want to crawl up in a ball and hope the bad men go away.

This weekend should have been fun; we even had a kicker getting the business with no flags thrown. There were beat downs and upsets, let downs and come backs, but I can’t think of that right now, because the Pats are 2-0 despite playing poorly.

Sweet mother of mercy, somebody kill me.

Week 1

Instead of having multiple posts, I'll just keep editing this one, so refresh the page if you're following throughout the day.

The first big winner this season: CBS
Nabbing JB from Fox was great. Joe Buck is despicable and plain. Plus, how do you get rid of Jillian Barberie as the weather girl?
I love Bradshaw, Long & Jimmy but I'd rather see Sharpe's sharp tongue. And they have Casserly to explain GM stuff! Genius! TJ/Boomer is always a good thing.
So Fox is really the only loser here.

Holy crap! Collins is the starter in Tennessee ... Everyone jump ship now. Did Volek sleep with the Boss's daughter?

For the record. I have Eli in the Manning Bowl. He's better at the end of close games, and it will be closer with no James and with Jacobs/Tiki on the other side.

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate Vick. He can't throw the ball. I understand you pay him a lot of money, but why not just use him as a Randle El type, but as a running back. Put Schaub in at QB. Vick has not put together back to back winning seasons and can't even hit the open man in the end zone.

Holy crap. That hit on Green was ugly.
I think Green is done. Forever.
I predicted the Chiefs would make the playoffs. Scratch that. SD wins the division and Pitt is a wild card again.
Instant History, people...

I knew Seattle was going to struggle, but wow. No TDs against a putrid Lions team. And you call yourselves SB contenders?
I even heard someone pick Hasselback as league MVP. Don't these supposed pundits study history? We all know Seattle is going down, why do they pick them to win the West?

Tiny hands got a TD to the rookie Davis on the first drive - I'm impressed. He actually matches last year's total TD passes.

Well, Carolina really screwed the pooch. I hope this was just an aberration. If they can't beat the worst QB in the league, then what chance do they have?
Randy Cross, a question for you - You say the backup QB has to be at least .500. Well, about half the starters can't get that, so what does that mean? Does the backup need to be better than the starter? Then why isn't he starting? Where's Kornheiser to put him in his place? Gus, c'mon man!

I realize Ed Hocherle is buff, but someone has to step in and force him to wear a striped shirt that fits, that's too small...

Arizona is just smoking San Fran. This is a nice game to watch...

Has a Chicago-GB match (the oldest rivalry) drawn so little interest. I think I only turned to it twice in the first half.

Genius of the week: Antonio Bryant - called for taunting while down 10 points with 35 seconds to play.

How bad is Green Bay - First time they've been shutout in 234 games ... 15 years!
The Bears look much better now that they can score.

The Manning Bowl is about to start ... put the kids to bed and break out the good booze - this is gonna be exciting! (I like Collinsworth, for the record, another guy Fox lost.)

What the Hell? I was told Addai was going to be the starter... I picked him in my fantasy team...

Call me Mr. Nichols, from the school of hard knocks. Classic!

Well. Eli got robbed. First by his team and the uncalled for penalties. Indy had no answer for the running game.
Then he got robbed at the end by a really bad call of offensive pass interference.
Too bad. Frustrating for me, since I predicted everything but the outcome didn't match. NY played better and the younger Manning deserved a different fate.
Oh well. Now we've seen everyone so next week will be easier.

Bold Predictions and Insanity

Clearly, anyone attempting to predict the next 21 weeks is a madman.
But like someone said - I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

So here's my picks by division.

NFC East.
I see Philly being better, and Washington. Dallas is a fashionable pick, but there's too much drama.
I like Eli's progression and I see the Giants taking it again, but with some conviction this time. Philly could be a wild card.

NFC South
At first glance it seems like a tough division, but NO is rebuilding, TBay lost some key players and Atlanta is insisting on using an inferior QB, just because he's the highest paid player in history.
So I pick Carolina in a cakewalk.

NFC Norris
Fugly division with Minny continuing its downward slide, GBay is just a sorry team and Detroit - wow! If Thomas wasn't so entertaining in running the Knicks into the ground then Matt Millen would be anointed as the sorriest excuse for a GM.
Bears, even if they don't use the right QB, will easily win the division.

NFC West
Now this is interesting.
Seattle has 2 curses going against it - the Super Bowl loser has never won 8 games the following season in the 21st Century & the Madden Cover Jinx.
So Seattle wins 7 games, in large part because of a leg injury to Alexander in the 3rd week or so.
SF has tiny hands at QB, so forget about them.
Arizona is a fashionable pick, and with a new stadium and actual fans, plus Edge and the best passing attack from last year ... I see a Wild Card spot.
That leaves STL as the division winner. Ugh ... That's nasty.
But they have solid players all around, just no one sexy. Martz is gone, so is a lot of the drama.

So:
1- Carolina
2- NY Giants
3- Chicago
4- St. Louis
5- Philly
6- Arizona

Carolina over Chicago in the NFC Championship (Unless Eli breaks through - I can honestly see him in the SB this year or the next, he's much better under pressure than Peyton).

AFC West
This is the toughest of all divisions.
3 teams have a legitimate shot.
Sorry Al Davis (but unless Jeff George starts slinging it downfield to Moss on every other pass, it just won't be any good).
KC has the best runner in the league in Johnson (plus Green is so underrated). A revitalized defense and a new head coach that won't cry all the time.
SD has a new QB, but any team with BLT has a shot. Plus Gates is the best TE (Sorry to burst your bubble Kellen).
Denver has a very good team that were very close last year. But I think they're the weakest of the 3. The running game will have to fail eventually. 2 Bells does not sound like a ring will be coming to Mile High.

AFC South
Houston is better, but poor drafting and a QB who pines to play with an offensive line will keep them down (I do look forward to the Lundy era).
The Flaming Thumbtacks are going with a mediocre offense at best - not good enough.
The Colts and Jags are true contenders. Look for both of them to be in, with the Colts having a great regular season once again, except that Addai is no Edge - Wild Card for them.

AFC North
Would be more intriguing if not for the recovering QBs.
Cincy and Pittsburgh crowd the top, but inspire little confidence in me. Cleveland is a train wreck waiting to happen and the least said about Baltimore the better (McNair to Mason will be the only thing keeping the fans from ritual mutilation).

AFC East
The crown jewel of course.
Buffalo sucks big time - no QB a HB so full of himself it's laughable and no real offensive weapons - just rejects.
Plus a failed head coach and a GM so old he remembers Prohibition - not good!
The Jets are even worse, with a bad QB, no RB even though Martin begged them to pick one and an all around bucket of yuck all over the field.
The Pats have had a great run, but they narrowly took the division last year and lost key players - heroes and MVPs without replacing them.
The player people are most excited about - the backup RB, Maroney. Good luck.
Miami won the last 6 last year, and despite losing the opening game at the home of the defending champs, they are a mortal lock for the postseason. They improved on both sides and just need their Secondary to step up to be a legitimate contender.

One word to SI - how in H-E- double hockey sticks can you have a team lose the Super Bowl at home???? There's no way that ever happens.

So:
1- Jacksonville
2- Miami (look at the schedule)
3- KC
4- Cincy
5- Indy
6- SD (or Pittsburgh - depends on Rivers)

This pick is too tough. I see the match ups and Miami looks to win - a last hurrah for Thomas/Taylor and an aging defense. But picking your favorite team to win it all is just ridiculous. So I will say nothing and only say that if Miami makes it to Miami - there's no way they lose that game.

Oh, and Indy takes a pounding.

Super Bowl favorites not called Miami:
1- Carolina
2- Giants
3- Jags
4- Bengals
5- KC & Philly

The reason Philly will do well: The Ewing Theory.
Look it up - it's the theory that shows how a team will suddenly get much better when the star player leaves.
Ewing gets hurt - the Knicks win.
A-Rod leaves - The Mariners get better.
A-Rod leaves - The Rangers get better and the Yanks start losing more in the postseason.
There's many more examples.

Enjoy the season!

There's no shortcuts in Football Buttercup

Kickoff time, the start of the season. The big enchiladas.
Also a first look at some commercials.

That GM commercial is annoying already, so is the Lincoln dream advert.
Peyton is always gold, and the Southwest Airlines are classics.

NBC kicked off the season with Sean Puffy Diddy Daddy Pee Combs John or whatever he calls himself now.
Wasn't he relevant like 8 years ago? And where were the special guests advertised?
Is it just me or did Costas look like he wondered where his entrance was after the Bus rolled in?

Getting to half time and why are the Fish avoiding Chambers? I love Welker (see last year's writings) but Chambers is a stud. Booker is hurt, come on Daunte!

Culpepper does look good though, what a quick release!

Madden has said a few nuggets already - Can Brown take a full load?

I have Eli in the Manning Bowl. I think he will kick Peyton's ass actually (better cast).

Oh, Pink doing the Intro music? Was Hillary Duff not available? When will these guys learn?
You don't have Country music in the NBA and you don't have pop tarts in the NFL.
McBride did nail the anthem, but what's a Rascal Flatt?

Dancing Days are Here Again

Oh Baby!

Football season has started and I'm suddenly happier ... I wonder if that's just a coincidence?

Of course my beloved 'Noles won the big game on Monday Night, taking the second in a row from the horrible "U" in a great defensive struggle.

Not only is that 2 wins in a row, it's 2 3-point wins, our previous Achilles heel against those thugs.

Our running game wasn't pretty, but Drew got into a rhythm in the second half and Fagg looks like a legit scoring threat on every play.
Davis looks like the next Zach Thomas ... This is going to be a great year!